The Humour Thread :)

AOA all,

let me begin...

"When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a*sh*le!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a*sh*le' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a*sh*le!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a*sh*le' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a*sh*le!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ...so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a*sh*le, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW a*sh*le too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an a*sh*le." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a*sh*les to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called A*sh*le #1.

"Hello." "You're an a*sh*le!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"A*sh*le, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, assh*le."

Then I called A*sh*le #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, a*sh*le," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your a*s," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a*sh*le, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

There I saw two a*sh*les beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

NOW, I feel better!"

PS: Sorry if anyone has been offended by the humour. I didn't mean for anyone to be :)

EDIT: For those who haven't heard or read it before :)

:D Lol! the first ashle was innocent!

can you please apply some kind of adhesive to it? i know its in the general discussion forum but...can you?

it was gud story but i thought it was kinda joke thread

u knw smal jokes

mine here:

Sardar in a plane feels v0miting & asked 4 a vomit bag.

Air Hostess gave him.

After few minutes when she came back everybody was vomiting except sardar.

She was surprised & asked,sardar ji in sab ko kya hua?

Sardar: me ulti kiti, in logan nu buri lagi te me wapis pi gaya

:D

"Eik pathan ne Najoomi se poocha:

:keya main aglay janam main Gadha ban sakta hoon?

:Najoomi ne jawab diya:

:Aik hi Facility baar baar nahi mil sakti..":!

The top 6 answers of teachers if they dosent have ans of some question..

1. Ye ap ne pehle nahi parha?..

2. Read the book..

3. I will tell u tomoro(and tht tomoro wil never comes).

4. Dont ask foolish question...

And the most important one is..

5. This is ur assignmnt search for it

6. .u ll study this in next clas. dnt indulge yourself in confusion :-P

That first joke is old... Been circulating for months now.

Shoukat: Roman Urdu is still not allowed.

^

i came back after a holiday n i thought tht marshal law was over...

Q: Suppose u r locked in a room with

Bush, Osama

& Zardari. U've a gun with only 2 bullets. What'll u do?

Ans: Shoot Zardari twice to make sure he's dead!

iPhone Vs a Rock:

http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg282/rizzy811/iphonevsstone.jpg

Another looooong one but its good...

"DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'"

PS: No offence intended to anyone. Only for those who haven't heard/read it before :)

[quote=", post:, topic:"]

can you please apply some kind of adhesive to it? i know its in the general discussion forum but…can you?
[/quote]

is this for me? sorry didn’t got you?

>>SaadIbrahim

yes it was for you :) but i suppose it doesn't matter now

thanks anyways

[quote=", post:, topic:"]

Q: Suppose u r locked in a room with

Bush, Osama

& Zardari. U’ve a gun with only 2 bullets. What’ll u do?

Ans: Shoot Zardari twice to make sure he’s dead!

[/quote]

hahahaha…lol…very simple and hilarious.

[quote=", post:, topic:"]

Q: Suppose u r locked in a room with

Bush, Osama

& Zardari. U’ve a gun with only 2 bullets. What’ll u do?

Ans: Shoot Zardari twice to make sure he’s dead!

[/quote]

Man! You just won the gold medal for that one.

A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.

She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a George Strait song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock `n` roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.

A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision.

The woman angrily exclaimed, "A***ole!" ...The radio cut over to Asif Zardari`s press conference.

^ :lol: that is a good one!

agagagagagag anTi ZarDaRi Jokes.I HaTe ZardaRi.I Hope YOu Do TOOOOOO

[quote=", post:, topic:"]

is this for me? sorry didn’t got you?

[/quote]

his mean to say make it sticky (adhesive dictionary it m8)

^I didn't really got the meaning because i am not a MOD here! :)