Jokes

Smart Doctor and His Treatment

A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.

"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!"

Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."

Women choice in Husband store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a

woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the

entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit

the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the

shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you

may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go

up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building !!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men

have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs

and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs,

love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks,

but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men

have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and

help with the housework "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly

stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These

men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous,

help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the

sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men

on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are

impossible to please! Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Removed

Nice ones multichoice..

@ Ultimate: Hey.... why were u a Pakistani for just one day????

A skol master frm remote rural area in punjab was transferred 2 a new skol in karachi.he reported 4 days after the actual date of joining...consequently he was asked 4 an explanation in writing and he wrote as following:

Deer sar,

if smal smal mistakes getting inside my letter,i big you pardon,ass i'm not a good englis speaker.

This is my frst vijit to karachi,i wanted 2 joint 2 more fastly,but my wife giving birth 2 my sun,i'm only phully responsible 4 gettin birth of my sun in home. I hope you wil luk into my explain hole story.

I'm now ending dis fastly. I'm a waiter for ur responcement.

^^ for this school master i was struggling about that roman urdu thing :)

^ nice to see that!

@nadeem

Nice one

Can a joke be posted in 50 percent roman urdu or not?

Ask the mods to be exact, but I SERIOUSLY think not

vverrrry nicee :D

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

@NADEEM

ur Signatures possess a poetry touch....! I like it...!

Funny Zardari SMS

*Arabic News*

HaaZa Zardari Beghairatun..

Azaabun Fi Insanun..

Fasaadun Khabeesun Mulkun..

inki wajatun sailabun..

Aata-Tunn..

Bijli-Sunn..

Petrol-Gumm..

Dhum Dhum Dhamakatun..

aur..

Balance checkun 12 paison TAXUN Kameenun..

Don't Deletun!!

Forun Forwardun!!

Sawabun shadeedun:-) . . .*)

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and see's this HUGE Black guy standing next to him. The big guy see's the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch cock, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown." The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says,"What EXACTLY did you say to me? The big dude says: " I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me...? I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch cock, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown. The small guy says: Turner Brown? Sweet Jesus, i thought you said, "Turn around."

Policeman on a horse says to little girl on a bike "did santa get you that?" Yes " replies the little girl. Policeman then says "well tell santa to put a reflector on it next year" and fined her $5.

The little girl looked up at the policeman and said "nice horse you've got there - did santa bring you that?" The policeman chuckles and repiles "he sure did!" Well," said the little girl "next year tell santa the #$%#'in dick goes under the horse and not on top if it!!

Responding to this thread where I said that I will write some other of this shaikh may Allah preserve him unique and funny yet so accurate replies.

Someone called Shaykh Mutlaq asking him:

Is it allowed to eat the meat of penguin.

The Shaykh answered him:

If you found it! eat it!

.......................................

A Man called him:

Shaykh, I have divorced my wife in a situation of anger! how can I return her back?

The Shaykh said:

O brother! all of those who divorced their women did so while they were in a situation of anger. Have you ever seen someone divorcing his wife while he is eating seeds (well he means something like sunflower seeds to present the carefree and relaxing mood someone can be while eating them lol)

.....................................

Another caller asked him:

O Shaikh, I enter the toilet having my mobile phone and the whole Quran is stored on it, is that allowed?

Shaikh: Yes, there is nothing wrong with that.

Caller: But Shaikh!!! the Quran is saved there! how come??!!

Shaikh: O borther! its okay, its only saved the memory of the phone.

Caller: Shaikh!! THIS IS THE QURAN!!! HOW CAN IT BE IN THE TOILET???

Shaikh: Do you memorize any of the quran?

Caller: Yea, I memorized many of it.

Shaikh: Okay then. Whenever you wanna enter the toilet, leave your brain outside!

Hope that you will liek my Jokes

^I don't think these can be categorized as jokes. These are some solutions of Fiqhi Masail (فقہی مسائل)

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’

Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’

Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’

'That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?’

Johnny said:
‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’

The teacher fainted.

In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar business, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to
open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was
burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook
after that, till The bar owner sued the church authorities for
$2million on the grounds that the church through its congregation &
prayers was ultimately responsible For the demise of his bar shop,
either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to
the bar shop’s demise. In support of their claim they referred to the
Benson study at Harvard that inter-cessionary prayer had no impact !

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the
paperwork and at the hearing and commented:

‘I don’t know how I am going to decide this case, but it appears from
the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer
and we have an entire church and its devotees that doesn’t.’